آگاه‌سازی‌ها
پاک‌کردن همه
دل نوشته و متن کوتاه
17
ارسال
7
کاربران
12
Reactions
7,709
نمایش
شروع کننده موضوع 27/12/1397 3:22 ب.ظ
سلام دوستان من یه مدت طولانی داستان های خیلی کوتاهی با زبان انگلیسی می نوشتم تو اکانت اینستام در حد یه پست... هیچ وقت نقد نشدند نمی دونم در چه سطحیه بیشتر پند های کوتاهه یدونش رو می خوام بزارم در کل هم نظراتتون رو بشنوم هم کلن با سیستم سایت و کاربرا بیشتر اشنا بشم:
Boy: who are you
Death: i am a friend my child
Boy: a friend?! You came to play with me
Death: y.. yes, i came to play with you
Boy: that's great but too bad, i can't play with you
Death: and what is the reason
Boy: didn't you notice? I am sick
Death: does it hurt
Boy: little bit, but don't tell my sister ok
Death: why
Boy: i promised to her that I'll protect her, i don't want her to feel vulnerable
Death: where are your parents
Boy: i don't know, they left us few years ago... can i ask you a favor
Death: yes my son
Boy: my sister is hungry, can you take this bread to her? My rest time is over. They beat the lazy ones
Death: so why you work here
Boy: because they give us food
Death: do you want to go to the heaven
Boy: what is heaven
Death: a place without pain or grief or beating... a place with food and vine, and happy people
Boy: heh, just take the bread ok
Breathing was hard for him, his body was exhausted but he wasn't feeling anything
Drops of sweat had made his eyes burn, he wanted to close them.. a short break was a dream come true
Screaming men put his mind back together
The time of rest has yet to come
He drew his sword out, he lost his helmet during the battle but it wasn't necessary, not anymore
It was his last battle, he joined the army to destroy monsters who lived in the south
Boy: who are you
Death: i am a friend my child
Boy: a friend?! You came to play with me
Death: y.. yes, i came to play with you
Boy: that's great but too bad, i can't play with you
Death: and what is the reason
Boy: didn't you notice? I am sick
Death: does it hurt
Boy: little bit, but don't tell my sister ok
Death: why
Boy: i promised to her that I'll protect her, i don't want her to feel vulnerable
Death: where are your parents
Boy: i don't know, they left us few years ago... can i ask you a favor
Death: yes my son
Boy: my sister is hungry, can you take this bread to her? My rest time is over. They beat the lazy ones
Death: so why you work here
Boy: because they give us food
Death: do you want to go to the heaven
Boy: what is heaven
Death: a place without pain or grief or beating... a place with food and vine, and happy people
Boy: heh, just take the bread ok
چند تا نکته:
1. پسر داره میمیره برای همین مرگ رفته سراغش
2. مرگ شغلش بده ولی دلیلی نداره ادم بدی باشه برای همین مستقیم نمی گه که میخوای بمیری و از طرفی تعجب کرده نسبت حرف کودکانه که می گه " می خوای باهام بازی کنی؟"
3. پسر داره میمیره با توجه به کاری که می کنه و تنبیهات و مواد غذایی که نون هستش و بهش میدن. نمیدونه قراره بمیره و ایده ای نسبت بهش نداره. وقت نکرده روش فکر کنه با این حال می خواد نون رو که به عنوان حقوق گرفته برسه دست خواهرش..
4. پسر نمی تونه باور کنه جایی هست که مردمش شادن, غذا وجود داره و جایی هست که درد و زخم و ناراحتی وجود نداره...
----------------------------------------------------------
Breathing was hard for him, his body was exhausted but he wasn't feeling anything
Drops of sweat had made his eyes burn, he wanted to close them.. a short break was a dream come true
Screaming men put his mind back together
The time of rest has yet to come
He drew his sword out, he lost his helmet during the battle but it wasn't necessary, not anymore
It was his last battle, he joined the army to destroy monsters who lived in the south
It was standing in front of him, full black, only it's hairs had some color in it, the last strike had made the beast angry
The beast opened his mouth:"you are far from home white man
اینم یکی از مورد علاقه هامه. حقیقتن خیلی رو موضوع نژادپرستی و غیره حساسم خیلی از وقت ذهنمو می گرفت وقتی بچه تر بودم. تصاویری که هر روز میدیدم بین مردم باعث تنفر شدیدم میشد نسبت بهشون!
شروع کننده موضوع 21/01/1398 11:34 ب.ظ
موقت: خیلی دوست دارم نظراتتون رو در مورد این داستان جدید بشنوم! یکی دیگه اضافه کردم! تاپیک رو ببینید!
reza379 reacted
19/02/1398 10:52 ب.ظ
داستان اولت قشنگ بود ولی کاشکی توضیحی رو ک ادامش گذاشتی نمیدادی چون بعضی موقع ها باید به خوانندت این ایمانو داشته باشی ک خودش مطلبو بفهمه. در کل جالب بود. آورین.
صفحه 2 / 2
قبلی
